Effective Communication with Your Teenager

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Effective Communication with Your Teen

Effective family communication is essential for successfully homeschooling your teen - and it's one of those things that seem to fall apart once your child hits adolescence! What starts out in your home as a cheerful, gregarious little tyke, now converses through a series of mumbles, grunts, or...silent stares. A few suggestions for keeping the lines of communication open:

* don't take things personally
This one was probably the hardest for me. Since I have always been home with my kids, I felt we were quite close. They were brought up in a Christian home and in church as well, so I was totally blown away when the "storms" hit! This piece of advice, perhaps combined with faith, patience and good counsel, can help you weather the storm.

* continue to make attempts at conversation
Sometimes you have to start with the weather, and go from there. Or perhaps share a bit of a personal concern or issue (not related to your teen) to reveal your own vulnerability first. There's always exceptions, but as a general rule, boys tend to open up easier when there's activity involved; girls seem to be more open when there's a "sleepover" atmosphere (you know, it's-really-too-late-to-talk-but-let's-share-a-secret-or-two)...

* consider facebook or email
I know, it sounds stupid, especially for us "old folk" (even tho' I'm only in my late-40's!), but our son really "broke through" via text messaging my husband, and I manage to keep up with both of them via our facebook pages. Sad, but true, that lots of personal stuff is communicated that way these days. You can hate it, or you can bite the bullet and stay connected...

* be patient
Even though you don't want to...even though it's hard...even though you miss 'em and want to talk NOW...you really have no other choice.

You might notice that the following list of recommended books is not primarily educational in nature. Very observant! ...Because you can't even try to homeschool your teen if you don't have their heart.
Relationship first - education follows.

Good luck in the journey!

* How to Really Love Your Teenager, by Ross Campbell
This book deals with the difficult matters of relating to teens. The sections discussing "teenage anger" and "parental self-control" (ouch!) are both helpful and relevant

* Preparing for Adolescence, by Dr. James Dobson
This is a classic book from the author of Dare to Discipline.

* The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, by Gary Chapman
Knowing the way that your teen feels your love is key to reaching his/her heart.

* Ten Mistakes Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them), by Jay Kessler
Yuck, I think I made them all at one time or another :-(

* When Teens Stray - Parenting for the Long Haul, by Scott Larsen
Self-described as a "road map for parents in pain", each chapter ends with some specific proactive steps that parents can take in different situations.

* Reaching the Heart of Your Teen, by Gary and Marie Ezzo
This workbook is a follow-up to their Growing Kids God's Way series, which is geared to the younger ages. It works best if you can work thru this with a small group of parents; which is especially helpful in general during these years!

On-line resources include:

Focus on the Family has some wonderful counseling and referral services, and general resources, both in on-line and in print.

Boundless Ezine is really geared towards late teens and 20's, but subscribing to it as a parent gives you a good idea of what issues are current with that age group. The well-written articles also provide great fodder for deep discussions with your older or more-mature teenager.

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Teenagers - Homeschool - and You

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